there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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