He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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