Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
