And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
