From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
