Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
