Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
