I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
