So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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