Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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