Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Boobs speak an international language.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
