so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
