is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
