dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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