we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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