So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize