Sponge bath it is.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
