Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize