There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
