If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
