So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
