Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
