mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
