Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
