the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
