people are starting to question the shark bite story
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
