I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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