I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
