Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize