the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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