watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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