Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize