do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
