K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
