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You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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