It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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