you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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