He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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