tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize