Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
