You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
