dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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