drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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