Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
