I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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