I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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