when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
