I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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