I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
