In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
