is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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