shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
