I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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