Me too!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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