there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
