I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
