NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
