The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
