i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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