Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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