ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
