No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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