There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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