I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
try to milk me bitch
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