as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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