I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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