I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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